Are you someone who finds themselves in a relationship feeling self conscious and untrusting? Do your insecurities often stand in the way of having a healthy relationship? These kinds of things are normal, and they can be overcome.
Here are five ways you can begin to build more self confidence in your relationship. These are beneficial steps to take not just for your own sake, but for that of your whole relationship with your partner as well.
We all have insecurities, and it is important that we express them
Having insecurities is completely normal. In a relationship, however, the issue with insecurities arises not in the insecurities themselves, but what happens when we do not express them. Making them known to our partner can be a difficult thing to do, but not only will you be a better person for it; your relationship has the potential to be better because of it as well.
Once you know your fears and your doubts, and you feel that sharing them is the best choice for both you and the relationship as a whole, communicate them with your partner. Be honest. Say to their face, “This is something that scares me and I just want you to know.” If the relationship is meant to last, they will understand and appreciate that you came to them feeling vulnerable and trusted them with how you feel.
Respect and care for yourself at all times
One of many keys to a successful relationship is having the courage and confidence to stand up for what you do and do not want and need. There are two important things you can do to make it known, confidently and gently, that you do not intend to let anyone, your partner especially, walk all over you or push you around.
First, have respect for yourself. Know your boundaries and how you feel you do and do not deserve to be treated. Do not be afraid to speak up if you do not feel your partner is showing you the same respect you show both them and yourself. The more respect you have for you, the stronger your relationship will be.
Second, care for yourself. There are times when you will want and need to put your partner before you, but you also need to balance that out with making time for yourself just as often. You need to leave room in your life for doing things you want to do, on your own or with your own group of friends. Time spent away from your partner is, believe it or not, time well spent.
Do not base your self worth on how ‘good’ of a partner you are
Have you ever walked away from a fight with your partner and thought, “I’m such a bad person”? When things go wrong in a relationship, often the first thing we do is thrust the blame on ourselves. Something did not go right, so we must not be good at this whole relationship thing. Not quite.
Learning to separate your worth from your ‘performance’ as a romantic partner is essential for both your own confidence and your relationship. Sometimes you will snap and say things you do not mean. You will forget to do something they asked you, nicely, to do. You will make mistakes. This does not make you a bad person or a bad partner. It makes you human.
The same goes for when things actually go right. You might find you feel much better about yourself when your relationship is going well or you did something nice for the person you love. Separating how you feel about yourself from that nice thing you did for them may take time, but it is an essential and worthwhile move.
Try not to worry about whether or not a relationship will fail
This happens a lot more often than you might think. Our minds often jump to conclusions under stress, and not usually good conclusions, either. He had a bad day and barely said anything to you during dinner. That must mean he is losing interest in you, right? Should you start planning your post break up pity party?
Simply put: chill out. Spending all your time worrying about something that might not even be a legitimate concern strips you of your confidence and makes it hard to focus on improving both yourself and your relationship. Little details that, to you, signal trouble are, a lot of the time, nothing to worry about at all.
Practice operating with the mindset that if your relationship does not work out, it is because it was not meant to be. It is not your fault or your partner’s fault: some relationships just do not last, and you may never know the real reason why. Focus on the present. Worry about dealing with a break up if and when it happens.
Trust your partner, and trust yourself
Again, worrying about the little things when there is nothing to worry about will destroy your self esteem. If being able to trust someone else, or being able to trust yourself, is one of your insecurities, you not only need to be able to communicate that, but you need to work on overcoming it.
Build up your self confidence by learning how to build mutual trust in your relationship. Be honest about everything, even the little things. Do not judge your partner’s choices or question their actions or behaviors. Let them know that you trust them by letting them make a few minor or even larger decisions, like picking where to go out to eat.
Trust yourself the same way you are trying to be better at trusting your partner. Self doubt can make you paranoid and unhappy. It can make us think negatively about ourselves. Make promises to yourself and keep them. Think and act kindly toward yourself. Believe you can follow through and do well.
Though it is normal to have insecurities and trust issues and to feel completely lost and out of place in a relationship, building confidence will help you and your partner grow stronger together.