Getting to know a girl, whether you just want to get to know her as a friend or there is potential for things to go a step further, isn’t easy. You want to impress her without keeping the spotlight on you too much. Here are 15 harmless, casual questions to ask her in the beginning to get to know her better.
1. Do you go by your full name?
Some girls prefer to go by a nickname, and some will roll their eyes if you use one. It’s a good idea to ask a Katherine if she goes by Kate or Katie rather than assuming she does without asking first. It might seem trivial to you, but calling her by the name she prefers really shows her you are paying attention and that you care.
2. Do you have any pets?
If she has a pet, she most likely adores it. She will show you pictures and videos and probably tell you a story or two. The love a girl shows for her pet brings out an intimate part of her personality she might not even realize she’s revealing to you. Also, if you end up dating her, the pet is pretty much part of the package, so it’s not a bad idea to know ahead of time if she’s a dog person, a cat person or other.
3. Where are you from/Where did you grow up?
Where a person is from and where they spent their childhood can say a lot about who they are. The main reason to ask this question is to steer the conversation toward topics that will give you more background about her beliefs and values. It’s good to know what she stands for and how she came to stand for those things.
4. What do you like to do on the weekends?
Some people just like to sit around and decompress from the week. Some people like to go out and have fun. It’s good to know what she likes to do over weekends in case you ever want to invite her to do something with you on a Friday or Saturday night, whether as friends or something more.
5. Do you watch any T.V. shows?
You might be surprised how easy it actually is to bond over something as trivial as a T.V. show. Watching T.V. together is something casual the two of you can do while talking or cooking dinner together. It is a great way to share opinions and spark deeper conversations without adding too much pressure.
6. What’s your favorite movie?
This question is similar to the above, but watching a movie together is a bit more of a commitment. Also, the genre of movie might tell you a little more about her personality. If it’s a comedy, it might mean she really likes to laugh a lot. She might also like the story or the cinematography, which can lead into a lot more interesting discussions later on.
7. Do you have a favorite book/favorite author?
If a girl loves to read, she holds her favorite book, or her favorite author, close to heart. Her favorite story may speak to her on a more personal level, or it taught her a lesson she won’t mind sharing with you. Her favorite author may have inspired her to pursue a certain career or fueled a passion for something she really enjoys.
8. What do you do for a living/What are you studying in school?
Which question you ask here depends on your ages. Obviously if she’s still in school she has yet to establish a post-graduate career, but if she is passionate about a particular subject or she is working toward a specific career goal, she won’t mind talking about it. Sometimes a person’s job or career reveals a lot about what they like to do and how they like to spend the majority of their time.
9. Do you have any siblings?
Gauging her family dynamics can’t hurt. If she’s an only child, she might be a little more reserved or focused on herself (which isn’t always a bad thing). If she has siblings, she might be really good at listening and focus more on other people than she focuses on herself. Be careful, though: if she has a brother, he might be a little wary of you hanging around his little sister at first.
10. Do you drink coffee?
You don’t have to use this question to lead in to asking her out, but you could. For some reason, if a girl likes coffee, she usually likes talking about how much she loves coffee. It’s good to know if taking her out for coffee sometime, even just casually as friends, is something she might be interested in.
11. What kind of music do you listen to?
You won’t necessarily have the same music tastes in common, but it’s a great conversation topic when you’re in the car and looking for something on the radio. The genre of music a person prefers says a lot about who they are, and you never know: you might like the same genre she does.
12. Do you have a favorite artist/band?
If she has a favorite music artist or band, it might be something the two of you can do together. She can introduce their music to you if you have never heard it, or you can take her to a concert if they are ever in town. You might even find that you like that particular artist or band, too, and it can become another subject the two of you can easily talk about next time you meet up.
13. What inspires you most?
Sometimes a good conversation topic is as simple as asking a girl what inspires her. Everyone has a different answer to this question. It could be a person, a song or an activity like running or dance. The things that inspire her are the things that make her feel alive. Watch her eyes light up when you ask her this. You’ll see straight into her soul.
14. What do you like to do for fun?
Every girl has a hobby or “guilty pleasure,” but it’s likely not many people ever ask her about it. Casually ask her what she likes to do when she’s not working or studying. She will actually feel quite flattered that you asked and will enjoy the opportunity to tell you about it. This might even be something you can use later when coming up with ideas of things to get for her or places to take her on dates.
15. What do you want to be when you grow up?
There’s a way to ask a girl what she wants to do with her life without probing, and it’s easy to do if you are willing to put a playful spin on it. No young adult really knows what they want to be when they “grow up.” Everyone has at least some idea, though, of the kind of mark they want to leave on the world. Keep it casual. She might even ask you the same question back.
It is likely many of these questions will blend together naturally in normal conversation, so choose the questions you are must curious to hear the answer to as a starting point and see where they lead.