Not every single relationship will last forever. It is likely that you have been in relationships with at least a few other people before you met who you are with now, or you will be before you meet The One.
There are a few completely understandable, yet often overlooked, reasons why many relationships fail. If you are hoping for a relationship that will last, pay attention to these three common reasons why relationships often fall apart.
1. Moving through life at different speeds
Relationships are all about compromise, which means two people really have to work together and stay on the same page if they want to maintain a relationship that is much less likely to fall apart. This gets a whole lot harder when it feels like the two of you are at different stages in life, moving at different speeds with no common ground in sight.
While you’re in your mid-20s, done with school and quickly establishing a stable career, he’s still finishing school and still has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Or maybe he’s ready to settle down and start a family, but you aren’t. You want to take time off and travel the world, but he’s trying a little too hard for another promotion.
Many relationships fail not because of one person’s fault or the other. Sometimes two people lose compatibility because they are just moving through life differently. They keep trying to walk hand-in-hand down the same paths, but keep stumbling upon forks in the road.
Compromise can only go so far before one or both of you becomes unhappy. At some point, you are going to have to make tough choices. If your relationship is meant to last, you will be able to make peace with sacrifices. You will pack up and relocate your entire life so she can pursue her dream job. She will set aside her plans for the time being so you can grasp a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and will not hold it against you.
Some relationships don’t make it simply because the two of you want different things. It is not your fault. Healthy relationships also require that you put your partner’s needs and desires above your own, and if there are just too many things that are more important to you right now, it just might be time to move on.
2. The relationship is not made a priority
One of the hardest parts about maintaining a healthy relationship, no matter your age or how long you have or have not been together, is balancing that relationship with, well, everything else.
Whether it’s school or your job or other friends and family members, there are always going to be things you are bound to let take precedence over your relationship. It isn’t that you don’t still love and care about them. Sometimes, other things just get in the way without us even realizing it.
Relationships need constant nurturing, which is why many of them fail. Just because you’ve said a thousand “I love yous” or you’ve moved in together or you’re married with kinds doesn’t mean your relationship needs any less attention than it did in the beginning. You still need to put them first. You still need to listen to their side of the story. You still need to put in the effort to do nice things without being asked more often than just every once in awhile.
Always make sure to schedule time reserved for just the two of you to spend time together. Life gets busy and this relationship necessity is often the first thing to go when that happens. Alone time is important even if you have mutual friends you don’t mind hanging out with together. It shows the other person you are willing to set aside time to pay attention only to them.
Here is some more guidance on how to keep your relationship a priority even when things get tough.
3. Lack of proper communication
It is not always easy to communicate effectively with another person, especially when you can’t figure out exactly how to say what is on your mind. Unfortunately, not being able to, or not feeling comfortable, communicating with someone you’re in a relationship with could mean bad news for the two of you.
Lack of appropriate communication between partners is a major reason why many relationships, though promising, do not last. For example, yelling at each other is technically still communicating, but it does not actually accomplish anything constructive.
The best way to make sure the two of you communicate effectively is to do so in person, especially if there is an issue brewing. Talking things out via text or even phone call does not compare to face-to-face conversation. You can have the same conversation you might have over 20 minutes of texting back-and-forth in less than five minutes.
Also remember that your partner cannot read your mind. If you do not express with words what you are thinking or feeling, chances are they are not going to know what you want or need, or hear what you need them to hear.
Here are a few more tips for more effective communication between you and your significant other.
There are plenty of things you can do to maintain your relationship in a way that will keep it going strong even during the toughest times of life. Make it a point to listen without interrupting, even if you don’t agree. Speak your mind, but never with the intention of hurting the other person’s feelings. Be assertive about what you want, but never neglect your partner’s needs.
Above all, know that some relationships end for a good reason. As you move through different stages of your life, you discover more and more about who you are and what kind of partner you need to complement you.
If you have been with someone for a long time, and all of a sudden it feels like things are no longer working the way they used to, be patient. Sometimes talking through your concerns is all the two of you need. Maybe you will come to a mutual decision that it’s time to say goodbye. Just because one relationship fails does not mean there isn’t another one on the horizon that will thrive.
