Breaking up is hard whether you expected it to happen or not. Whether you were the one to suggest the split, or your partner broke the news to you. Falling for someone is one of those feelings we want to hold close to our hearts forever. Having that feeling torn away from us is anything but pleasant.
After a break up, the only person you should be focusing on is yourself. Here is how to better yourself after losing someone you cared about.
Keep your distance
Immediately after you break up with someone, you will move through seemingly endless cycles of wanting to find closure by talking with them just one more time and never wanting to even think about them ever again. Until you know for sure the best way to handle things, it is best to keep your distance, even if the two of you agreed to stay friends.
You have to fight the urge to meet up with your partner or interact with them via texting or social media. Unfriend and/or unfollow them if you have to. Sometimes, at least in the beginning, you will be much happier if you have no interaction with them at all. You need to let go of the false hope that the two of you will be able to work things out. You don’t have to shut them out forever if you don’t want to. Just for right now.
Flood your mind with positive memories of your relationship
Breaking up involves a little bit of grieving, as with any other loss. What you do not want to do after a break up, however, is focus only on the break up itself. It will be hard, and you will cycle through a lot of confusing feelings. But what will help the most during this time is focusing on positive memories.
It’s okay to remember the good times. Things in life are always changing, and in some ways, this is no different. If you are always looking back on the worst parts of your past, you will never truly be able to move forward and leave those things behind you. Looking back isn’t the problem. Regretting and wishing things had turned out differently is.
Better yourself by remembering your favorite parts about the time the two of you spent together. Remind yourself that you will have times like that again, maybe even better times, with someone else one day. You do not need to forget the person you are with. They will always be a part of your past. In many ways, they will shape your future.
Start that project you’ve been putting off
One great way to begin moving forward while dealing with any kind of loss is to put your time into something that will help take your mind off of sadness and disappointment, at least for small intervals throughout the day. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, though it may seem logical, will not make you feel any better.
This is your chance to do something important for yourself. Since your relationship status has changed, who is to say you can’t change a few other things in your life, too? There is a project you have wanted to start or a hobby or skill you have wanted to learn for awhile. Maybe you couldn’t before, because you were putting time and effort into your relationship. Now that you no longer need to do that, you can put that effort into something you really want to do.
Create a vision board
Maybe you don’t have anything specific in mind. But you suddenly have a lot of free time on your hands, and that can leave you feeling empty. Instead of letting those hours pass, put them to good use and start thinking about how you want to spend this new chapter of your life. You can do this by creating a vision board.
A vision board is literally a board filled with symbols – images, quotes, etc. – that are meant to motivate you whenever you are feeling low on inspiration while trying to reach toward your goals. There are several reasons this is a great activity to engage in while you are dealing with a break up. The first? It’s a craft project. Something as mindless as arranging elements onto a canvas in any form is good for the brain.
The second reason a vision board is an ideal remedy for post-break up woes is that it helps to keep your mind on the future. You have goals you want to achieve. You do not have to let one setback hold you in place. Use your break up as an opportunity to start thinking about where you want to go from here.
Let go and forgive … in time
Have you ever been told to “just get over it” when something unfavorable has happened to you? It goes without saying that, eventually, you are going to have to pick up the pieces and move on. But that does not mean you have to make an immediate turnaround. “Getting over it” can, and should, take time.
You need to give yourself permission to grieve. A break up is just another form of loss. It can be upsetting even if the decision to separate was mutual. There is no need to rush. There is no time frame or deadline for moving on. It is important that you take small steps, processing your thoughts and feelings along the way so that eventually you will come out of this stronger than you were before.
Also don’t forget to let go and forgive. That is the final stage. Regardless about how you feel about closure, at some point, you are going to need to let go and forgive both your partner and yourself. That part of your life is over now. Lay it to rest and focus on making the next part even better than its predecessor.
Breaking up is a part of life. People and circumstances change. Though it may seem unbearable now, it will get easier. You will emerge from this a better person. When you look back one day, you might even feel grateful.