OK, so there’s all kinds of advice out there about how to ‘fix’ a marriage. But unfortunately, some marriages do come to an end. The trick is knowing when to call it a day.
The following are some reasons that might well be strong signs that your union is now past saving.
1. The respect is gone
A healthy marriage is a place where you both respect (and more importantly – like) each other. If this respect disappears, then one or other of you ends up feeling rejected, dismissed, and/or put down. This can be a very real sign that things are past saving. Even more so if the other person can’t or refuses to see that this is the case.
2. Constant infidelity
Some people (stereotypically men, but women as well) simply can’t stay faithful. Serial cheaters will always be just that, and this is not something that most relationships could withstand. A single affair is hard enough to get over, but when one half of the relationship is constantly unfaithful, then this marriage is simply never going to work.
3. There’s no compromise
Making a marriage work is all about compromise – on both sides. If one side refuses to compromise (be it on anything from affection, help with the chores, time, playing with the kids…) constantly, then this is not a good situation. Indeed, both of you need to give and take, ensuring that your own needs are met, as well as those of your partner. And it has to be a two way street – it’s not something that only one of you can do.
4. You have the same fight over and over
Arguments happen – there’s not getting away from that. But if you have the same row over and over again, and nothing gets resolved, (and, especially if such fights are increasing in frequency), this does not make for a healthy relationship. What such arguments cause is resentment and hopelessness – and certainly aren’t the basis for happy married life.
5. Kids or no kids
If one of you is adamant that you want children and the other is the opposite, then this is a big problem. Sure, many people change their minds, but if the two of you are truly poles apart, then this could well be the end of the marriage.
6. Only one of you makes an effort
Marriage is a journey, and it goes through its ups and downs. But if only one of you tries when you encounter a ‘challenge’, then this is not a good situation. Marriages become stronger because you work through problems together. But if one half brings up an issue, and makes it clear that this needs to be addressed, and the other consistently ignores it, then this is a definite red flag.
7. You’re no longer a ‘team’
Successful partnerships see the two of you working as a team. If this is no longer the case, then the marriage is in trouble. From finances to parenting, each other’s career and ambitions, running the house to planning vacations, it’s a team effort. If this is no longer your reality, then it’s time to look seriously at whether or not it’s time to go your separate ways.
8. You’ve already ‘uncoupled’
Of course, we all need time and space to be an independent person in our own right within the marriage. But when this is pretty much all of the time, then this could well be a signal that you and/or your other half has disengaged from being a couple.
If there’s a feeling of relief when you’re not together – be it spending all your time at work, with other friends (individually), or simply not doing ‘couply’ things together any more, this means that the two of you have already subconsciously drawn apart from each other.