OK, girls. Wouldn’t it be great if we could understand guys? Even a little bit? Because, hey – dating’s hard enough without having to try and unravel the mystery that makes men do what they do. And they say we’re hard to fathom…!
So, ladies, listen up! Because we’ve got down and dirty with a bunch of guys who – in return for us keeping their names out of it – were prepared to give us the lowdown on what we should and shouldn’t do when dating. Some of what we found out was pretty self–explanatory. But some of it! Well, y’all might wanna take a deep breath before you start reading.
Here it comes. No holds barred…
Easy on the liquor, sweetie:
No matter how nervous you might be, chugging down the Pinot or loading up on shots isn’t going to impress him. And there are two reasons why. First, he wants to get to know you – not the drunk you. If you get serious, then there’s going to be more than enough time for the two of you to get a little blasted together. But at the beginning, the only thing betting buzzed will achieved is to scare the hell out of him.
And the second reason? Hey – the guy is out on a date with you because (hopefully) he views you as a potential girlfriend. Not, as we’ve been reliably informed, a drinking buddy. Acting like ‘one of the guys’ will only make him see you as such – and that’s certainly not the impression you’re trying to get across.
Offer to chip in:
Especially on the first date. He probably won’t let you, but making the gesture to is always appreciated. Or if you end up going for a drink after a dinner date, then it’s only fair to offer to pay for this.
Fancy a nightcap?
OK, so at the end of a first date you may well want to invite him back to yours. Or he may well invite you to his. But honey, if he likes you, he REALLY doesn’t want you to say yes. The thing is with is that he’s going to think that it’s something you do on a regular basis.
Old fashioned? Perhaps. Double standard? More than likely… But you wanted the truth – so don’t shoot us, we’re just the messenger bringing it to your attention.
Keep your independence:
You know, being unavailable some of the time is ok. Keep seeing your friends, carry on doing the stuff you’ve always done – your gym classes, girlie nights out, those spa days – whatever it is that you enjoy. Guys like a girl who has her own interests, as well as him. If you make him the center of your universe, he’s going to end up feeling smothered. Yes, he’s important. But it’s far sexier to remain the confident gal he first met; not someone who depends on him for every single aspect of their life.
Don’t always be the one to make that phone call:
And that applies to texting, Facebook messaging, or any form of communication. Constantly calling ‘just to check in’, translates as ‘I’m checking up on you’. A healthy relationship automatically falls into balance of who makes contact first.
If you feel like you’re the one doing all the hard work, simply back off and see what happens. If he’s as keen as you are, he’ll soon be in contact. On the flip side, don’t play hard to get either. Just as you it would drive you crazy, the same applies to him. aren’t the basis for a good relationship.
And on the subject of Facebook:
Holding off on connecting via social media – at least at the start – is a wise move. Sure, you might want to shout out your amazing new relationship to everyone who knows you. But honey, you know what they say about successful partnerships? They’re the ones you don’t see splashed over the Internet for every Tom, Dick, and Harry to see. And the last thing your new guy wants is to see all the OMGs and other comments that such behavior is going to attract.
Leave your baggage at the door:
And hopefully he’ll do the same. The older we get, the more baggage we all carry. But harping on about your ex, or how so and so did this or that, blah, blah, blah is not going to make a good foundation for a new relationship.
As far as guys are concerned, if you’re still talking about your previous boyfriend, then you’re not over him yet. And it’s true, guys – no matter how open minded they may seem – don’t want to hear about your past conquests. Leave them where they are, in the past.
No, not in a pathetic, ‘you’re my hero’ kind of way – we are living in the 21st century. But if he pays for dinner, holds open a door, helps you into your coat etc., a simple thank you goes a long way. We were really surprised to hear from so many guys that a lot of women seem to think are their god-given right. Come on, Sisters – give credit where credit’s due.
Don’t judge him on past experiences:
All guys are NOT the same. Just because you might’ve had some (or a lot) of bad hookups in the past, give a new guy a chance to show you that he really might be different. Each guy is an individual, and he deserves the opportunity to show you that he really might be the one you’ve been looking for.
And if he’s not? Well, chalk it up to experience, and move on. Sometimes you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince…